Dinner time was now over as Sarah began to clean up the pots and pans and prepared to go to bed for the night. She found herself, peering out of her small kitchen window into the dark, as she looked off into the stillness she heard a small voice speak to her, the voice had so much Love expounding from it that it filled the room where she stood before the kitchen sink as she look all around to see who it might be, the voice filled with love coming from what seemed to be within the entire house, it said..... Sarah, come out that I may bath you in My Tears...Sarah paused and thought to herself, this can not be......the children where playing in the next room as she wash and cleaned up no one else was in the room with her. Sarah's husband laid on the comfrey sofa looking into the ceiling as he had done for years after a fine prepared dinner. But Sarah reasoned within herself and knew with all that was in her that this was not like all the other nights something was different about this night, it was a strange feeling within the room with her yet she felt a sweet peace inside, Sarah thought to herself something was different and wondered what it could be........

Sarah, went to the door within the kitchen and open it as she took a deep breath of fresh air, she stepped out onto the little broken down wooden porch and said this porch looks much like my life all that I have and that I am is broken........Sarah then looked up and out into the dark, she never dared to walk alone at night, but always desired to and something was drawing her to the outer darkness this night. She thought, maybe, I will this night, just for a few seconds, no one will miss me, I will be back before they know it. She took her coat and crept out into darkness alone not knowing who or what was drawing her, calling out to her it was a deep call from within her belly and she felt peace although fear of the darkness was also present with the voices of her husband saying that she should never leave the house unless he told her to and so Sarah found herself walking, as she walked down the path, the voice that spoke with such Love spoke to her again and said. "Sarah" come, I Am here, Sarah said to the voice in the darkness, Where are you, are you hurt? Sarah could hear the pains in the voice that spoke to her and wanted to help this person no matter what not thinking about what her husband had told her about leaving the house, she needed to help this person who's voice was so Loving and Caring in the air and from her belly that she heard as a whisper in the night passing by....., although she feared what would happen to her by her husbands hand she kept walking through the darkness, deeper and deeper she walked, searching for the voice of this man that called her out by her name, she thought, who is this man, and how does he know my name, as she approached a small river pond she all but knew so well she thought to herself how she had sat here on sunny days and cried many times about her life and what was the meaning of her birth, she never received an answer yet she found peace in this place, this was Sarah's special place a place of shelter from all, no one could touch her in this place it was her secret place. Sarah remembered of how she had sat in this place hours and hours at a time and how she would just lay on the ground and cry out into the air although she knew that no one could hear her, for she was all alone, she still hoped that some way her cries would be answered.

You see, Sarah's home life was not at all as this tiny town knew it to be the children were always dress to impress, she kept them so clean and washed, hair was always perfect, her husband was always dressed in his finest suit as their oldest son Bill Jr. There where times when Bill, Sarah's husband wanted to stroll the streets downtown to show off his hand made family, and so they walked, it seemed like hours, like it would never come to an end walking through the town so that our neighbors could see us I felt like this was a dream or a TV show that never ended but continued forever and ever each week this was required of me to do to keep up my husbands image before the town folk we put on our happy faces and walked thru the tiny town acting well mannered, while out in public and in Sunday's Service, dad had insisted for it to be this way before people who knew them as they walked Sarah could hear the many comments made by the people who knew them in Sundays Service right before we walked in.

After Sunday Service I could hear the whispers coming from the Congregation as we walked by as a family that was well put together, the single women and the single men would say, I pray and hope one day that God will bless me with such a mate and when Sarah heard this she would bow her head and smile and her husband Bill, would stick out his chest as if he had won an award. But Sarah in her heart of hearts knew this to be a lie, at night when the children where asleep, her husband Bill would beat her, curse her, mock her, laugh at her and make her do things that one just does not talk about before others behind the painted white walls within the well dress house, there where things happening that should not happen and a fear that was unbearable for Sarah.

Bill would beat and abuses her for no reason, it would start off with nothing at all, a simple kiss good night, being in the bedrooms bathroom for to long, making to much noise as she brushed her hair or teeth, something as simple as flushing the toilet would sometimes set Bill off. Sarah wondered to herself why God? Why, me, and God said to her why not you.....Sarah?. do you feel yourself to be so special that you cannot endure what I have called for your life to be for this season? Do you feel that you are above that which I have also walked and felt from the many blows from those that I laid My life down for? For many that said they knew Me and those who had not, oh how they beat Me and bludgeoned Me then nailed My bloody Body to a wooden Cross after I carried them so that they would not have to endure the deepest of birth pains I bore them for you all......I was disfigured My Body and My brow from others that I was married to by a covenant of Love that they knew not. And they who said they knew Me knew Me not, I was and am to this day hated for being Me by many.

Sarah began to cry, thinking to herself, on one hand, Lord forgive me for thinking of my small issues that I have within my family and forgetting all the things that You carried to Calvary for me......., yet she could not put it down completely she thought to herself I will never get out of this, I even think that I am with child again and do not know how to tell him, this was Sarah's cry from a deep place of pain within her. Sarah knew that this baby would cause Bill to beat her more and more, she did not know why or what she had done so bad to this man to be beaten, cursed and loved with such a degree. The Love that Bill showed Sarah was equal to the Beatings and Cursing and the bruises she wore as a masks on a regular basis all over her body.

In the morning Bill would wake up and say, go fix your face, don't let the children or our neighbors see you looking this way and if anyone ask you, you better say that you fell that you are clumsy that you are always tripping and falling over toys and things like that, or else! .....and he spoke this with his fist clasped tightly together holding it up at me as I made my way to the bathroom to see what had been done to my face.

Sarah got up and sniffled, holding back the tears with fear remembering not to make any noise that would trigger Bill's rage again against her, she made her way to the bathroom to fix her face, she said to herself before getting there I wonder if the circus is hiring cause I know how to put on some makeup and have become well experienced in covering up something that is not to be seen by others, she thought to herself what will I look like this morning after I have finished my face so that I can be presentable to make breakfast for my children who need not know their father's flaws as a husband or his weakness as a man, yet I love him and so I will not do anything that will ashamed him nor will I complain to others of my problems one day God will deliver me this is all I have to hold on to and if Bill knew this he would try to take this away from me as well leaving me with total emptiness. I will just put on my happy face I know how to do that well before all and pretend that all is well so that I can face the children, until they are gone, off playing or on their way to school and him off to work, then I can get to my river pond where I can talk out to the air and see what it will speak back to me this day......

After all was done and the family was off for the day then I will have me a stroll down to the river pond Sarah thought to herself. Sarah made her way down the stairs to the kitchen area where the children would come for breakfast with smiles on their faces they would come and sit down at the table her little girls, so precious to her "Good Morning Mamma! they would say with the biggest smiles on their faces that looked like the sun in the sky. Sarah thought to herself these are my reasons to stay. As Sarah watch her little girls faces she noticed that her oldest son Bill Jr. entered the room and sat down not saying a word to anyone, Sarah said to Bill Jr. Good morning son, but he did not answer, each day Bill Jr. became more and more like his dad, he was very angry and did not talk much to me anymore. As I was making my daughters plates I hoped that they would not see any of the fist markings on my body this morning that I could pull it off without lying to them this morning but as I reached over to place my daughter Cindy's plate before her she paused and said to me...... Momma......Momma....what's wrong? How did you get hurt Momma? Where did all of theses burses come from Momma? Momma.... how did your leg get that big cut on it? Momma.....why are you holding your arm like that? Where did that Cass, come from? Momma did you fall again last night? Sarah knew that they did not know that their daddy beat her so bad last night that he had to take her to the local hospital while they slept to fix what he had done before they woke up this morning or so that the neighbors would not see what he had done to me and come to any possible conclusions of what goes on in this house behind closed doors.

My babies would say, Oh Momma, let me kiss it and make it better, but it did not get better. Sarah would put on heavy makeup to cover the places where his fist had left marks of his so-called Love and wanted to leave, but she thought to herself, oh how can I leave, I have no job, and no money, and I have 3 children to care for, I cant go to our Pastor, he has spoken that woman should stay in marriage no matter what is going on, I have no support in my Church and I know that they have seen the burses on my face and body, I know that they feel my pains yet no one asks if they can help, my brothers and sisters, look at me and in a short breath and say, Sarah, I/We love you with the Love of the Lord, yet they will not help me, they do not want to get involved, nether are they their brothers keeper as the Word of God says; I thought to myself, God said if your son ask for a fish will you give him a stone? They have not only given me a stone to make stone soup with, but have also stoned me as they did Mary the prostitute before Jesus stopped them. Sarah thought, I hope one day that Jesus will stop this from happening to me as He did Mary in the bible. Sarah thought to herself as she looked at her so-called brothers and sisters and the Pastor of the Church she attended, your pity I can do without, I have enough of that stored up for myself,.........

Sarah said to herself at that moment.......I have no one to turn to......I cant go to my momma cause daddy beat her the same way, nor can I go to Bills momma cause she is also being whipped by Bills dad. Where can I go? Who will help me? These are the prayers and the tears that Sarah cried out at this small river pond every day at the same time of day for the last 12 years she did this hoping that one day this darkness will be over for her and her family. She wanted a way out and did not know that as she was out and away from the house while at the river pond, her oldest son Bill Jr. who had watch dad beat her was home practicing on his little sisters getting them in line for their husbands to come and they feared their brother Bill greatly just as Momma feared Daddy......but Sarah did not know this was going on........

Sarah, thought all of these things as she walked into the deepest place at the river pond and there she collapsed from her tiredness, not of work but of pains that she had been holding and the bruises upon her small framed body places in her mouth where their use to be teeth are no longer there she look at herself in the river pond and seen her reflection as she did she wondered how could she go on much longer he was going to kill her soon it has been a long time now .......as she fell to the ground the voice spoke to her again and said

"Sarah" I love you....... she wondered if this was the same type of love that Bill had showed her for over 12 years now.....and if it was she wanted no parts of it, Sarah knew that if something did not change soon she was going to die from the beatings, the makeup was not covering as well anymore and it was like his blows where getting much harder as if he wanted to see if I could work some kind of magic on my face each morning and every weekend to cover up the marks that his love left on my body.

All of a sudden it began to rain, large rain drops, these where the biggest drops of rain that Sarah had ever seen in her life lived on this earth and they seemed to follow her everywhere she went, the rain just rained on her and into the river pond........She was amazed at this how can this be Sarah said, how can it rain on me and only in the river pond?

The voice heard Sarah's question and spoke very softly to her, Sarah, these are My tears for you, this is the brokenness in My Heart for you and your family. I have seen all that goes on and I have heard your cry's for help for deliverance, and tonight Here Am I, to help you out of a situation that has no ending that you cannot see, and a beginning that was before your birth, "I Am" is here to help you, as I delivered on Calvary so shall I deliver you also, as I cried on Calvary so Am I crying for you now, look up and see My single eye daughter, Sarah though to herself, the voice must be speaking of the Moon?....So she looked up into the large Moon and it appeared to be liken unto a single eye to her looking down on her, with fear Sarah balled up into a small knot on the ground by the river pond, shaking and trembling as the voice that was so Great in sound came closer and closer yet she could not see who or where it was coming from, it seemed to be all around her from all sided closing in on her.

Sarah, again the voice beckoned to her out loudly,... look up and let My tears wash away your fears that we may be one body and one flesh and one spirit look up into the hills from whets your help commeth from Sarah, for I Am is here, your help commeth from the Lord! I have heard your cries and have come to deliver you out of bondage...........

Sarah was in awe, of what the voice spoke to her, and asked who are you? Are you the Lord, is it really you? I have been calling You for a long time, and even now that You are speaking with me, it is hard for me to really believe that it is You......Why did You take so long to answer me Lord? Do you hate me that much that You allowed me to suffer all these 12 years with my children? The voice quickly spoke to her and said; I Am The Lord Thy God, The God that healeth thee, and "I Am " here to deliver you......... know that nothing will be the same after this night, for I Am calling you out, Sarah ask God, why Lord did you take so long, and the Lord said, it was needful for you to go thought this trial and persecution for the sake of the entire Body of Christ, for the Multitudes Sarah the multitudes that will now pass through your womb and your path now made thru your pains poured out like oil upon the earth and within your being. That which was to you a 12 year waiting period was only a 3 days journey for Me your time is not of My time daughter for a thousand years is as a day and a day as a thousand years in Heaven. I have planted pains of death in your womb that you may speak life to others who are in the same condition pregnant in My Loins, but in

"Critical Condition"

Many of My children are pregnant and in Critical Condition, seeking from man he who is of natural to explain that which is Spirit to them. I filled their wombs with birth pains in travailing and they as you did also said to themselves as you have that you where pregnant with a natural pregnancy. Such as I did with Elizabeth who while she was expecting with a barren womb, a womb that was not able to bring fort in the natural light the life as man/woman told her, I cause her womb to be so filled with My Light and Life in the Supernatural.

This is where she became pregnant by Spirit and not by Flesh, in pains of saying to herself that she was not worthy, nor any earthly good, that she was less then a woman to bring forth, forbidden to carry that which I command "Be Fruitful and Multiply" yet her womb was closed up with death and fears of not being able to see beyond the natural darkness she bore the pains of birth from within her flesh where it made it impossible for her to receive in her Spirit that which was good.

This is so Sarah as you also and many of My children have spoken and are travailing in this same manner, they cry from the pains of being in Critical Condition, bearing death in their bodies never bringing forth life from the spirit that is filled with My light and Life, is the Light of men......these too mutter these same words before Me as you have "Why me Lord"? And are going through the same as you now are in their lives being ripped apart and divided against itself and I hear their cry's yet I Am bound until they are brought to the neck of My womb where they can no longer bear it, where Darkness and the Light, Flesh and Spirit are separated from within each one of them within a single cell they can no longer walk through it upright, but as a single leaf falls from a single tree into a river that is flowing downstream and dies, it is carried to its destination and then its is planted and brings forth seed after its own kind, as a mother bears a child, the child from within only see darkness while within the womb not knowing where it is going or how it will end the child fights it way out laying down before Me, praising Me with tears of fear of not knowing what is happening yet they hold on to that which I have given them the very Life and Breath, the Depth of the very walls that once protected them from harms way has now rejected them as I was also rejected as Chief Corner Stone, nevertheless I Am, this too My Father suffered to be so that I might know the pains to those that where to come After Me. And now Sarah, it is time for you also to know the Power of My Resurrection the Breath, the Length, and the Dept thereof for I have said, suffer little children and come unto Me, for where I Am, that ye may be also.

I caused Elizabeth's barren womb to conceive while her flesh was in Critical Condition and to bring forth a man child that would pave the way for many that where to come to the neck of My womb that I would birth them out of Me. Understand that before life can come death must come first to you, one must die to self before birth may spring forth and began a new. I speak of My son John, John the Baptist, who also was joined to Me in the same waters that you now are joined. I sealed up John's fathers mouth that he would not go seek from man/woman of flesh answers that they did not understand, for the flesh does not comprehend the things of the Spirit and the Spirit bears witness in the lives of men/woman that which is and which is to come, yet they look to man for answers, they do mans will, they are led by Pastors, and Leaders who tell them for lack of knowledge to stay in relationships that wound and breaks their spirits from Me and My perfect Will.

I have not broken your wills I have given you free wills and I made all of you and all came out from Me, I gave you a free will, to choose right from wrong, from that which is Holy and that which is Unholy, I gave you this choice to choose. How is it that man/woman of flesh can read My Words, touch My Anointed Loins between the Sheets the pages that you turn are My Sheets and I lay between them all. How do you touch Me in such places within My Body and yet still not understand sound Doctrine from Me, but receive unto yourselves the Doctrine of devils Preached by men/woman who have placed My name on themselves in vain, that pursue My Flock for the love of money, who have said in their hearts I will purchase this thing called the Holyghost to heal and to consume for myself this power, But I say unto you, the Gift of the Holyghost is without a price it is given by Me and by Choice to those whose hearts are right before Me.

I have given to them My Holiness, My Grace, My Power liberally, they say that they understand and have a fold to watch over and build buildings of stone to fellowship in while a Nation died right outside of their doors on a daily basis and the blood of those Nations cry out to Me with the same question "Why Lord"? I desire a Church without Walls, in the Wilderness and the presence of My enemies where My chosen are made in the Dryness of Day and the Stillness of night, yet they continue to trap My people within the painted whited walls with their pictures of flesh and things fashioned by the hand they dance unholy dance before Me, they play the part of being Holy, Perfect they see themselves before others. This is not what I called to be My Rock, this is not the Church that I called to be built upon My Foundations and that's why they fall, over and over they fall and are set apart from Me, Oh how I weep for them as I desire to come into them and I Am not welcome, but used as a prostitute for the cares of their hearts are mingled with the cares of this world in things that will die and desist from existing they choose things that sparkle over Me, things that are pleasing to their eyes the wantonness of eye, they choose over Me, for I am weak and lowly at heart and none but those who are pure at heart will seek Me out to do My Will.

I put away Religion and Tradition on Calvary and they brought it back from the dead to live amongst My people, they say to themselves, women should be quite within the Church, that no woman should preach, yet I have called out many of such to Preach My Word and it is written in Judges 4:4, I called Deborah a Prophetess, it is written in Exodus 15:20, I called Miriam a Prophetess, it is written I called Japhthah's daughter, a dancer unto Me, Judges 11:34, it is written I called Hannah an intercessor unto Me, I Samuel 2:1, it is written I called Huldah a Prophetess unto Me, II Kings 22:14, it is written I called Nadiah a Prophetess unto Me, Neh 6:14, it is written I called Anna, a Prophetess unto Me, Ezek. 2:36, it is written I called Tabitha a Disciple and Missionary unto Me Acts 9:36, Priscilla, Aquila as Prophetess unto Me, Rom. 16:5, it is written I called Mary M agdalene the Apostle, for she was sent by Me and was the only one who waited to see Me come out of the Tomb after the 3 days and 3 nights weeping and crying for Me she saw the vision and was pregnant with it and gave birth for I live John 20:11-18. As I have called these I Am now calling unto you and many others like you to do My Will, Mat. 27:55 yet men/woman in Traditions and Doctrine of Devils hold My sons captive from going forth until now, these are just some of My daughters that I used, I have not changed My Ways and no man/woman puts a bit and bridle in My mouth, I am calling all My chosen out, male and female that have been held back from doing My Perfect Will on this earth and you Sarah are one of the chosen vessels. No more shall they hold My chosen back from going forth nor will they keep them captive for I have and did free them over 6,000 years ago. Oh that they may know the truth and be free from men/woman's fleshful ways, rules and regulations of men/woman and learn My ways, stop debating with one another and with love, live in peace as I lived among you, let My peace abide and abound forever in this earth that came from My lips with Love as I thought of a people who did not know Me but I called them My people and gave them My name..........

Are you ready Sarah? If so then come unto Me, for this night we shall be one spirit and one flesh and you will know all that your life was and is for.......Come into Me, and rest, let Me wash you with My tears, let Me refresh you, for I am sending you out into a Land filled with pains within itself, you will no longer be in this pain, but now the pains of others shall you bear in your loins and you will know My beginnings and My endings, and you shall Preach to My people and they shall be free. For even now, I am dealing with Bill your husband and your son, I am restoring that which was taken from them as well, your marriage will be as I command it to be and your family shall be the family that you tried so hard to be the Perfect Family, with one change, it will be a Family inside of Me and not painted on outside as a whited wall. I love you Sarah, will you feed My sheep in spite of? Will you give back that which you have been given to others? Will you take My Yoke upon you and learn of Me from Me and not from men/woman? Will you trust Me to bring you thought all things? Sarah paused with great tears from within herself, this was to marvelous for me, I can not contain all that You have spoken to me Lord.....how will I know that what I have heard is of You and not me because of all of the things that I have been through? How will I know Lord?

Sarah picked herself up from where she was laying on the ground by the river pond and suddenly felt led to jump into the waters, when she did, she came up from the waters changed, she began to speak in a strange tongues, that she had never heard before in her Church, her Pastor forbad it to be so, but Sarah was experience "Jesus" at first hand, the Marriage between and woman and a God, between Flesh and Spirit. Sarah knew from this that something had changed in her and was very excited and afraid to go back home she had spent at least 4 hours at this river pond as God dealt with her, and now it was time to return home, she was afraid of what would happen to her and if Bill would beat her tonight, oh how she wanted to stay at the river pond with "Jesus" and just lay before Him as He watch her with His single eye and showered her with His tears of cleansing, but she knew that she must return back to the house for the children's sake.

When she reached home, all of the lights where out except for the kitchens light, and all was asleep, Bill Sr. had given the children their baths and placed them in their beds, as I walked into the house Bill was sitting in the kitchen and there was a towel hanging over the back of one of the chairs, I thought how did he know that I would be wet and need a towel, then I remember that God said that he was working it out for me while I was with Him at the river pond, I was so afraid to enter, he was drinking a cup of tea, and had placed out a cup for me when I returned. As I opened the door, he was sitting down at the table, he looked up with tears in his eyes, I had never seen Bill cry before, but tonight he cried, I paused holding the door open looking at him, thinking to myself how small and weak he now looked to me, he said to me Sarah, come and sit with me, as he got up to pull out my chair, he turned and got the pot of water off the stove and poured me out in the cup on the table to make my tea. We sat and he talked to me of how sorry he was for all of the years he beat me for no reason and began to cry and promise me that this would never happen again, he asked me for my forgiveness and said that he did not know why he took out on me what had been done to him by his dad as he was growing up in their house, and seen him beat his mom, he spoke of how angry he was because he was to small to do anything about it and the hate built up over the years because he did not even try to do anything to help or stop it from happening, that when he married he promised his self that he would not do this to his wife, yet he did it to me and was very sorry for it. He ask me if I could ever forgive him for all the things he had done to me, the beatings, the cursing and his laughing at me? Before I could open my mouth Bill Jr. entered the room and began to cry also, I thought to myself, this is God, this is what He spoke at the river pond to me and now it is happening, my son came to me and kneeled down at my side and told me of all the things that he had done to my girls his sisters in secant, that he was sorry and that he did not want to do it to them anymore, but was in pains of seeing his dad beating on me, so in his anger he also beat his little sisters when she was not around. Sarah was astonished by what he said to her because she did not know this was happening to them. All of this was overwhelming to Sarah, she hugged Bill Jr. and he was off to bed wiping his eyes as he walked away. Sarah and Bill stayed up all night talking like they use to do when they first got married. They went into the living area and sat on the couch Bill put her arms around Sarah's neck and pulled her gently to his chest where her head had not rested in 12 years. They laid on the couch and cuddled and looked at the fire's ambers that burned in the fire place together.

The next morning Cindy and Liz came down the stairs to find them sleep in each others arms and said to themselves, look! Mommy and Daddy are still sleep and look Liz God answered our prayers and made them love each other again.

Sarah and Bill are now Preaching the Gospel of Christ to the Nations for the Lord helping other woman who are experiencing the same as she once did. Bill speaks to the men about how he beat on his wife before God entered into their lives as a living God and not something made up and with this he was able to teach the men how to get free of rage and anger. Sarah and Bill now serve Jesus and not men/woman they teach the truth uncompromised.

Are you Sarah?

or do you know a Sarah?

II pray that God has blessed you thought this story

The Lord gave me the names and was and is the inspiration for this writing.

birth on 2/17/2003