"1 Corinthians 13:9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love..."

1 Corinthians 13:8-13

I remember the day we met. I felt such love, such acceptance, a feeling of finding someone that understood me and yet accepted me as I was. It wasn’t warm fuzzes but a peace, a special joy, a calmness that I never felt before. I knew I was safe and as long as I focused just on you, I’d always be safe even in a jungle. I thought there was nothing that I could not do with you by my side.

I would wake and look for you. I always wanted to be with you, have you hold me, talk with me, and fill my heart with wonderful things. You made life feel so worthwhile to live; each little thing meant so much to me. You were so gentle and never pushed me to do anything that I didn’t want to. You worked on my heart till I was eager to please you more. There was just a way about you, the love you showed me that caused me to want to please you and I found myself doing things for you, I’d not have done for any other. The enjoyment to know that you were smiling down on me. It gave me a joy and a smile that had never come to this face before. Even when you corrected me, though it might hurt for a time, I knew it was out of love and for my own good. I accepted it and known I’d be a better person after for it.

As time went on, you seemed to be around less and less. When I would go look for you, I could not reach you. I tried, I really tried but in my attempts, it seemed you got further away. Soon, emptiness began to fill my heart. A longing to see you, to hear your voice became a desperate cry but not a heart felt need. Being with you became a habit, something I had to do or I’d be in trouble and more trouble I did not need. When trials come and decisions had to be made, I found that I could no longer turn to you to help me. I missed you so and I knew what I needed to do but just can’t seem to take that first hard step. I knew that once I do, you would be there as you were before and more so. Why is it hard to say I am sorry? I know that other times, I have done it and I knew you forgave me, I knew you loved me as much, if not more, after I came to you. Each time seems to be harder than the last. Will I ever stop hurting you? Will I ever learn that you are the only that cares for me - I mean really truly cares for me?

I want to love you as I did before. I was so overflowing with love, it flowed out onto others, and made them smile and that made my heart feel even better. As I saw others happier, I felt happier. It was like I had been blessed by their blessing. How I long for those long hours alone with you, to talk with you, share all my innermost personal dreams, thoughts, feelings. You always listened; never condemned me, never laughed (it hurts so when others laugh at me) you always had a gentle word, a loving touch.

If I sit still and listen I can hear you say, "You are important to me. I care about you. Everything you say, feel and do, I am affected. I want to help make your life better. I want to help you become ALL you are meant to be. Follow me; trust me with your whole heart. I will never leave you, misguide you or stop loving you. I will not fail you. I will not leave you. When you feel I am not close to you, check to see that you have not closed me out or that you might have some hidden secret that you are afraid to tell me. I am always here waiting for you. I miss you so when you do that but I wait patiently for you to come back. I long for your fellowship, your love and your devotion."

This word was given to me at 4:30 a.m. on Sat. January 20, 2001. Though, I seek the Lord every day, I remember the times not so long ago, I didn’t seem to hear His voice or feel His touch in my life. I found myself withdrawing deep inside with my pain that would not go away, my hurt from friendships that seemed to drift away. I realized that God wanted me to learn more to lean on Him, to seek my first love, when Jesus first came into my heart. Times were not easy for me then, a single mom with three children but yet the joy overflowed, love flowed out to all around me and my life was so very blessed by even the tiniest event.

My life having changed so drastically, I have learned to pace myself, utilize time and use it wisely. God has a new plan for my life and I am seeking Him daily for all He wants me to do and not try to open the doors He has closed. I am able to get out more and take walks and do things that 9 years ago were impossible. I am still very involved online with encouraging and praying with others and working on my web pages (once again). We all need to learn to accept the talents that our Father has given us and use them to the best of the ability that He has given us.

Thank you, Jesus, for You are the one that I love the most. You are the one that understands me, inside and out. You are the one that is always there and I am grateful to You for all you do for me and for caring enough to go to the cross for my sins. May my life always reflect You for all to see. You said ‘If I be lifted up, I will draw all men onto me.) John 12:32… Let me lift You up for others to see and come to You. May self die that Christ might shine brightly in and through me.

written by Lindy - 1/20/01 and Updated 1/1/09

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