June of 1999 began the biggest and most painful trial (physically, mentally and spiritually) of my life. A trial that from the human eye, proved to be unnecessary and yet, God allowed it. I would like to share some of what I have been through and how God used it to His glory.

As you read, please let the Holy Spirit lead you to know that there is no bitterness or anger or un-forgiveness for any of what I went through or for those that offended me. I seek to give God all the glory and honor for what He has done and for His faithfulness to me in this time.

I was working for a non-profit organization ( a temporary job that was like a dream come true.) I got paid to do things I loved to do – helping others, attending events with Christian organizations and church leaders, going to meetings to better a neighborhood (mine and now I got paid to attend). I still did regular administrative assistant office work to keep up my skills and learn new ones. I was able to use my creative talents to help with the monthly newsletter. I even got to be involved in local politics, a love I have always had!

The position was offered to me as permanently so I began to pray for God’s will and direction. It was my dream come true job but was it what God wanted? Then it happened – the biggest physical trial of my life began! My back and hips began to bother me in a way that caused me to not be able to focus fully on my job. As in years past, I would go home, spend the night on the heating pad and pray for relief so I could work the next day. I made it through the week; rested the weekend and Monday, I drove to work and was in extreme pain before reaching work (5 minute drive). I could not sit, stand or walk without pain so I left work and drove home and literally crawled up the stairs of my home.

Physical therapy, specialists and my primary doctors could do nothing to help, medication did nothing but fog my thinking. I spent many days and nights without relief from pain and sometimes just cried out to God to take me home. I would be awake for days in pain before sleep would come and then only from sheer exhaustion. My outings consisted of going to the doctors, therapy, for x-rays and tests.

Our finances suffered, my marriage suffered and our children were frustrated and finding it hard to accept my disability. I could not enjoy our grandchildren and they could not understand why Nana could no longer play with them. To sit up for more than five minutes cause much pain. Our home once filled with family and company became empty.

Church was not possible and the internet became my church home. I am thankful to so many and to name them all would be too hard. I must, however, give thanks to a few very special people that gave up their time to spend with me.

First, is our adopted online granddaughter (freak). We were privileged to meet her and her mother in person. She is a young lady that gave up many hours of being out on roller blades and spending time with friends, to sit, to talk with me and keep me company. God blessed us by bringing here to our city to attend college. She finished college here, went on for her Masters and soon will be off to get her PhD and is now married.

My friend, Bear, who gave up time to sleep (he worked a third shift) to encourage me when the doctors could not offer any relief. Bear is now home with Jesus and missed very much. (There is a dedicated page to Bear under In Memory of. I am thankful for Stargazer and his wife, who would send me notes of encouragement and several phone calls. A special thank you to Will, of course who has had to care for me day and night and take me to all the many appointments. Thank God, those are less and I get to do more things so we can now go for a ride with no specific destination and I even get to go shopping.

Last but not least, is God, our Father, who loves His children. He got an earful daily as I called out, sometimes shouting out, not understanding why this was happening. I didn’t always reach out and praise God for what I was going through. You see, the devil knew, physical pain and ailment will cause me to not be able to really reach out and spend time with God, let alone praise Him. . But, I am here to proclaim, “IT DID NOT WORK”. “Ain’t no rock going to cry out in my name, as long as I am alive, I’m going to glorify HIS NAME”.

When I had reached rock bottom, physically, with no diagnosis, when all began to be too much for Will, I knew it was time that I sought more. I sought to get relief from praising and praying, playing tape after tape of praise music. I read, prayed and pressed on even when I didn’t feel I could. I was finally diagnosed (see Arthritis and Christianity).

God has brought me closer to Him and taught me to wait on Him, to listen more and to depend on Him and not man. He has taught me many things and shown me what He can and will do, if we just yield our whole self to Him. He has reassured me that though man may leave me, He will NEVER leave me.

If you are going through a trial and a struggle that looks hopeless, whether it be physical, spiritual or emotional, I would like to encourage you to hang on to Jesus. As Paul said, “I press toward the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus (Phil.3: 14). Don’t give up! If you feel you are at the end and need an ear to shout into, please write me

If I can but help and encourage just one person, it will be worth it all. I have broad shoulders, ears to listen (even to the negative) and a heart that cares.

God bless each one that was there for me and I pray He use this testimony for His Glory and His Honor. For:

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