IS THE FAMILY ON THE ENDANGERED LIST?

                                                      By Marcia Harbaugh and mother, Peggy Hurst

In the Bible in the Book of Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3, it says "To every 

thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 

a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to 

pluck up that which is planted; and it goes on and on with other 

subjects that there is a time to do and not to do.

 

One thing we might add is....there's a time to get married and a time 

not to get married. And right now is not the time! The odds are all 

stacked against happiness. Today's bride has only a 50% chance of 

staying married and a 50% chance of having a faithful husband. Even 

if she does stay married and is fortunate enough to have a faithful 

husband, the chances for romantic love and solid marital contentment 

are very low. 

 

Families in the traditional sense seem to be disintegrating. According 

to the prevailing philosophy, this is a time for singles. Lifetime commit-

ment seems to be less and less attractive at this time. Will my family 

and the families of those I hold dear survive the closing decades of the twentieth century? 

 

Probably not, if we do not take definite steps to preserve them.Today 

the family is breaking down at a faster rate than at any other time in 

human history. 

 

In the "good old days"--that is, before industry, electricity, cities, and 

rapid means of travel (which covers over 95 percent of human history)

--the home was the center of everything in a person's life. Almost every

one worked out of his home, and family members participated in that 

work. Farmers raised large families, which come in handy helping with 

the chores. The housewife did more than household duties; she cut 

wood, milked cows, fed animals, and so forth. The milkman, bread 

man and small business man usually operated out of his home. Even 

the doctor set out his shingle in front of his home.

 

The Industrial Revolution changed much of that, particularly in the West. 

For the past 300 years technology has led to specialization, which has 

had a fragmenting effect on the family. Fathers, during this period, 

leave for work early and return late. No longer can the average worker 

take his son to work with him. Today's fathers must seek ways to spend 

time with their children. The same is true for the millions of mothers 

who work out of the home and must face household chores upon their 

return, often at the expense of time devoted to their families.

 

Dr. Thomas Holmes of the University of Oregon did a twenty-five year 

study of the effects of stress on human beings. He and his researchers 

listed forty-three events in life and gave numerical designations to 

each according to how much stress they produced on people. The only 

one they gave 100 points to was "the death of a spouse." After that 

came: divorce, 73; marital separation, 65; down to marriage, 50. Of 

the top seven most stress-produ-cing events in life, six had to do with 

the family. 

 

Divorce, the ultimate step in family destruction, has reached epidemic pro-portions, and no one seems to be immune. One phenomenon of the 

70's was the increase in divorce of those married for more than twenty 

years. I've heard so many people say, "Well, look like if they have stayed married for 22 years, they could have kept married!" But that is no longer true. Now it is alarmingly common to hear of families falling apart after 

the last child leaves home. 

 

Just a few years ago, divorce was rare among Christians. Today the epi-

demic is assaulting even the church. A surprising number of veteran Christians are choosing divorce as a solution to marital difficulties, 

instead of facing them as a sign of spiritual problems that with God's 

help, could be resolved. 

 

The family has always existed. As far back as we can trace recorded 

history, we find this institution. It is as old as the book of Job, written 

about 400 years before Abraham. If you reremember the story, you 

will recall that it concerns a husband, wife and fourteen children. 

They had a home, friends, animals, work, trials, sickness, joys, and 

heartaches. I would say that not much has changed in the five 

thousand years since Mr. & Mrs.  Job lived. 

 

Even before that, Adam and Eve, the special creation of God, were 

brought together in marriage by God Himself. He not only commanded 

them to be fruitful and multiply, but instructed them, even before 

inlaws existed, that each couple inhabit its own home. Gen 2:24 "For 

this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall 

cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." 

 

For most of the world's history, parents selected the spouses of their children, who developed love relationships after marriage. That probably does not sound too exciting to young folks today, but even places where 

that practice is in effect today (India, the Orient, and some places in 

South America), homes are more stable than in our own culture.  

 

The number of children in a family has also changed through the ages. 

In past years the family held as many children as the woman's body 

could produce (in some cases as many as twenty-five). It now averages 

in the United States according to recent census 1.6 children per family. 

"Us four and no more" holds true for the family of today. I heard the 

story once of a family that named their children "Eny, Many, Miney 

and Charlie". A neighbor asked them why they had named the last 

child Charlie instead of "Moe". The father replied "We named them 

Eny, Many, Miney and Charlie, 'cause they ain't going to be no "moe"! 

For most of the world's history, juvenile crime was non-existent. Young people were so busy working in the fields, to supplement a bare existence 

for their families, that they did not have the free time that so many of 

our present day young people have on their hands, that often spells 

trouble. My parents used to tell me in my younger days, "An idle mind 

is the devil's workshop!" In other words they seen to it that our days 

were filled with activity. They seen to it that we had books to read; 

seen that we had music lessons and could play the piano and sing 

when the spirit moved so to speak. A lot of parents today do not 

seem to care what their children are doing. Just so they leave the 

parents alone. That, in my book, is not living up to the responsi-

bilities of a parent. 

What is a family? Would you believe that the most costly department 

of the federal government (Health, Education and Welfare), when commissioning the 1980 President's Council on the White House 

Conference on Families, could not even agree on a definition for 

the family? This, of course, was due to their mental commitment 

to secular humanism. Secular humanism is an anti-Christian system 

of thought that influences every decision and most of a person's 

actions. It is anti-God, anti- moral, anti-self-restraint, and anti-

American. Amazingly, humanism often masquerades as humani-

tarianism. In reality, there is nothing humanitarian about it, 

because its beliefs make it anti-human.

The family "begins with a ritual between a woman and a man, a 

ceremony that we call marriage, and which implies long duration, 

if not permanence, for the relationship." The marriage partners 

have duties and rights of parenthood. Husband, wife and children 

live in a common place. Husband and wife both work for the family. 

I must point out that until recent times, the wife worked either

in the home or in the fields or orchards adjacent to it.In most cases 

she was able to take her nursing or very young children with her. 

Also, the family also serves as a means of sexual satisfaction for 

the partners. Neither one should have to go outside of marriage 

to get this need met. 

Today, this traditional family definition, like the family itself, 

is in serious jeopardy! In the middle of all the modern discussion 

of marriage, we seem to have lost sight of the real purpose of 

marriage and the family. It was not designed by our Creator only 

for companionship, sexual activity, or even for fulfillment. The 

primary purpose was to raise children, for without that the 

human race would soon become extinct. To put it in proper 

perspective, without a family, there isn't any future. It is as 

simple as that. There is only one way for the human race to 

have a future. That is for us to have children. If we should 

all stop having children the human race ends when the last 

one of us dies. 

In some influential quarters, child raising is made to sound 

like drudgery to be avoided at all costs. Instead of looking 

at children as blessings from God....."Happy is the man that 

hath his quiver full of them..." (Psalms 127:3, 5), the currect 

trend says "Have your own career, limit or delay a family as 

long as possible, and don't let children inhibit your freedom."

Robert and I have four children, and we would be the first 

to admit that they hamper our freedom, sap our energy, 

and drain our bank account. But we feel that they are 

worth every bit of it! Our children are a blessing to us 

and we enjoy "our little special people." 

A second purpose of the family is to provide each person in 

the home with opportunities for individual development. 

Dr. James Dobson, associate clinical professor of pediatrics 

at the University of Southern California of Medicine, teaches 

that everyone gains his self-acceptance from outside himself. 

The Christian family is the best place for such learning, for it 

is here that a child learns of God's acceptance, through his 

faith in Jesus; then he receives parental approval, then that 

of brothers and sisters, relatives, teachers and others. 

An unwanted child, rejected by his parents, will meet 

with severe difficulty with self-acceptance, which is 

necessary for emotional maturity.

A third purpose of the family that comes to my mind is to 

teach moral values. What you are morally is what you are. 

Morals directly affect our judgment, our attitudes, and 

values; they also influence our motivation. 

Think, for a moment, on the subject of authority. If a 

person does not understand the relationship of obedience 

to authority and personal freedom, he is not equipped to 

face life. Humanistic educator's obsession with human 

rights, total freedom, and self-expression has bred a 

disrespect for authority that destroys freedom. You 

cannot have true freedom in society without respect 

for authority. Total freedom always leads to anarchy, 

and this occurs on an individual basis as well as on a 

collective one.

No adult person is prepared to face the uncertainties 

and challenges of life until he understands that he will 

never be truly free until he has learned a respect for 

authority and a willingness to submit to it. The ideal 

place to learn this is in the family. Only two commands 

in the Bible are directed to children. (see Ephesians 6:1,2):

1. Obey your parents in the Lord. 

2. Honor your father and your mother.

Parents have not fulfilled their obligation to God, to their 

children, to society, and to themselves if they fail to teach 

their children that true freedom, enjoyed over their lifetime, 

must include a healthy respect for authority and the rights 

of others. That is a vital purpose of the family! But there is 

more. Children must learn moral rights and wrongs, which 

contrary to popular humanistic theories, are absolute. A 

child's natural IQ, skills, and potential will be seriously 

limited if he is not indoctrinated with the time-honored 

moral values of integrity, virtue, honesty, industry, and 

self-discipline. These values are best learned before they 

are five years of age, from then on it becomes harder to 

teach them as they are subjected to public schools which 

do not teach any morals at all, and they are around other 

children from different morals viewpoints.

This world system has always been opposed to the will and 

ways of God. But the Bible promises us "...He who is in you 

is greater than he that is in the world" (I John 4:4). The 

problems that confront Christian families today are too 

serious to take lightly. Raising Christian children has always 

taken prayer, love training and sacrifice. But nothing we do 

in life is more important, because our children are both our 

greatest treasure and the future of America. They are well 

worth the time and effort it takes to insulate them from 

the forces that would destroy their destiny. 

The family has been called "the giant shock absorber" or 

society-the place to which the bruised and battered individual 

returns after doing battle with the world, the one stable point 

in a never increasing changing environment. Family optimists 

contend that the family, having existed all this time, will 

continue to exist. Some go so far as to argue that the family 

is in for a Golden Age. As leisure spreads, they theorize, families 

will spend more time together and will derive great satisfaction 

from joint activity. "The family that plays together, stays 

together," etc. 

A more sophisticated view holds that the very turbulence of 

tomorrow will drive people deeper into their families. "People 

will marry for stable structure," says Dr. Irwin M. Greenberg, 

a Professor of Psychiatry at the Albert Einstein College of 

Medicine. According to this view, the family serves as one's 

"portable roots," anchoring one against the storm of change. 

In short, the more transient and novel the environment, 

the more important the family will become. 

Social critics have a field day speculating about the family. 

The family is near the point of complete extinction, says 

some. Others say that the family is dead except for the 

first year or two of child raising. They say this will be 

its only function. Pessimists tell us the family is racing 

toward oblivion--but they fail to tell us what will take 

its place.

What does the Bible, God's Word, say about our future? 

Here we find some good news! It isn't going to pass away! 

Jesus predicted what earthly life would be like when He 

comes again. He says, "And as it was in the days of Noah, 

so it will be also in the days of the Son of Man: They ate, 

they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, 

until the day that Noah entered the ark, and the flood came 

and destroyed them all. Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot:

They ate, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they 

built; but the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained 

fire and brimstone from heaven and destroyed them all. Even 

so will it be in the day when the Son of Man is revealed. In that 

day, he who is on the housetop, and his goods in the house, let 

him not come down to take them away. And he who is in the field, 

likewise let him not turn back. Remember Lot's wife. (Luke 17:26-32)

No, family life will not become obsolete! Nor will it be replaced, 

for as the Bible says, when our Lord comes, the people will be 

marrying, giving in marriage, eating, drinking, buying, selling, 

planting, reaping, working, and living in houses. That sounds 

like everyday living that dates back to the beginning of human 

existance. The family has always been an indispensable part 

of civilization; without it there would be no society nor future.

Conditions, not the family, will change. Families have always 

adjusted to changes, from the farm, to the Industrial Revolution, 

to the nuclear age---even into the twenty-first century. Like a boat 

tossed about on the waves, the family has been battered, abused 

and at times seriously damaged, but it still floats. I think the 

family will get even stronger. 

Since it is impossible to eliminate the family without rendering 

mankind extinct, we might as well face it: The family is here to stay!