Letter from a Hillbilly Mother
to Her Son

Dear Son,

I am writing this real slow, 'cause I know you can't read very fast.

We don't live where we did when you left.  You read in the paper that most accidents
happen within twenty miles of home so we moved.  I won't be able to send you the
address 'cause we don't have one.  The last family that lived here took the numbers
off the house with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their
address.

This place has a washing machine.  The first day I put four shirts in, pulled the chain
and I ain't seem 'em since.

It only rained twice this week.  Three days the first time and four days the second time.

You know the coat you wanted me to send to you?  Well ... Aunt Sue said it would be
too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons on it, so we cut them off and
put them in the pockets.

We got a letter from the funeral home.  They said if we don't make the last payment on Granny's funeral bill ... UP SHE COMES!

Your sister had a baby this morning, I ain't heard whether it is a boy or a girl, so I don't
know if you're an uncle or an aunt.

Your Uncle John fell in a whiskey vat, some men tried to pull him out, but he fought
them off, so he drowned.  We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving, the other
two were in the back.  The driver got out.  He rolled the window down and swam to
safety.  The other two drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down.

There's not much news this time, nothin' much has happened.

        Love,
          Mama

 

 

Humor pages at Cathy's World
[ Letter from a Hillbilly Mother | My Spell Checker | The Monkey's Disgrace ]
[ Temperance Sermon | Blonde Jokes and Other One-Liners | The Bet ]
[ Rules of Chocolate | Praise the Lord | Kids Talk | Computer Gender ]
[ Church Bloopers & Funnies | More Blonde Jokes | Kids Letters to God ]
[ Hymns for the Over 50 Crowd | Occupational Hymns ]
[ Forrest Gump in Heaven ]

 

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