|
As the "Pastor's wife," you see your husband as your husband, warts and all, but you love him anyway - and you see your relationship as a marriage, and
sometimes he makes you mad, and sometimes he doesn't do what you asked him to do because after all he is a "man" and what you want is
to be able to have a life like OTHER people, and you don't want "their" advise on parenting, and why can't he wash a dish or two sometimes,
and after all YOU'RE NOT the one that went into the ministry - HE IS - and why can't he have a job that he can "leave work-at-work,"
and why do they call so late at night, I just got the baby to sleep, and why don't they just leave me alone!
What's the matter? You didn't think that "Pastor's wives" thought things like that? You didn't think they were "women" just like
you? (sorry guys, or your wife or mother...)? Well, they ARE like "Other women" and they're not "Perfect." They are living in a "Strange" house,
usually in a "Strange" town, moving their kids into "New" schools all the time, and they cry at night because their kids are always the "New Kid" in
school, and they're usually separated from their friends and family and everything "Familiar," and they don't know you and the "Way you've always done things,"
and maybe they're no good at baking cookies or running fund-raisers, and maybe they're NOT soft-spoken, and they really just want to be accepted into your
group and loved for "who they are." And guess what - 9 times out of 10 - they don't fit into YOUR stereotype of "The Pastor's Wife."
Next comes the churches point of view.
As a Church, or Church-Goers, we really don't tend to see "Pastor's wives" as "Separate - Individual" people. They're "Part of a Package." And he's not "Just a Husband" like other men - He's "The Pastor." A man who has been selected by GOD to impart HIS HOLY wisdom to them. Since most Christians don't believe in therapy (which we WON'T debate here), "The Pastor" is not just the "giver of the sermon," but their Spiritual Leader, their counselor, their advisor, their friend in time of trouble, the one person they can tell their darkest secrets to, the person to visit them when their depressed, tell them how to make their children mind, come in the middle of the night when someone is dying, and pray over them when they are sick and lead their teenagers back to "The Straight & Narrow." That's a pretty tall order - and it IS, after all, what he was hired and called by GOD to do. To the "Church" the relationship between Pastor and Wife isn't a marriage - it's a MINISTRY. And how can the man that led my teenager to JESUS possible do anything to irritate his wife. To the "Church," you are married to a minister, and therefore, you are called into a ministry along with him, and you should be thankful, and after all, you don't have ANY of the problems that so many of the women they know have: he doesn't drink, yell at you, beat the kids, throw-away money on the lottery, or run-around with other women. He's almost always home with you, and when he isn't - you know where he IS, he sets a good example for his children, always goes to church, and is a role-model in the community, and so what if he doesn't make a lot of money, the church supplies you with a place to live and pays the bills. What more can a woman ask for in a man?
What Pastor's wives have to understand is that it's difficult for many people to hold someone in that kind of regard, and see them change diapers and wash dishes at the same time. They hold this MAN above other MEN - and well they should. But many times congregations idolize a minister - so therefore his wife should also. And while he's the man that came in the middle of the night when your son had a car wreck, and while he spent four days and nights at the hospital leading your mother to CHRIST before she died - To a Pastor's Wife - he's also the man that forgot to take out the garbage and buy her a birthday card. AND, what Churches need to remember is that the role of a Pastor's Wife is often very confusing. The role of Pastor is well defined, his duties and expectations clearly laid out by church doctrines and Biblical truths and administrative officials. However - the role of his wife is a little fuzzy. HE has been prepared and trained and called by GOD for exactly what he is to do - but his wife has NOT. She is to be a wife - just like other wives; a mother - like other mothers, but at the same time she is to be so much more. And often times - she wants to be what you need her to be - but she really doesn't know how, and she gets criticized for "doing this" or "not doing that," and then she gets defensive - and the next thing you know, all of the sudden, nobody likes the "pastor's wife" - but at the same time, does anybody actually KNOW the "pastor's wife?"
If you're a congregation, a church-goer, who maybe doesn't like your pastor's wife - or maybe she just really isn't what you think she should be and you don't understand her - PRAY for her right now. Pray that GOD lift her up and show her what HE wants her to be. Show her your love as a fellow Christian and let her know that you're willing to help her in her Christian walk. Remember she is only human; a women; a wife and a mother, trying to do the best she can. If you're a pastor's wife that maybe doesn't like being a pastor's wife, or maybe you're just unhappy in your current appointment, see yourself as what you REALLY are. You are a child of GOD - and whether you realize it or not - You're not married to a "Called Person," you're called into a ministry of your own. It's not quite as glamorous as some, and some may not think you're doing it very well, but GOD has called you to do something very special - you've been chosen, and GOD has made you "Perfect" to carry out HIS ultimate plan for your life. Pray for the people of your church, pray that they see you for who you are, pray for GOD to soften their hearts, keep your motives pure, keep you're hurt feelings back, and remember the TRUE source of all attacks against Christians. Above all, don't be discouraged. GOD hasn't forsaken you - he's right there ready to catch you when you fall like you are behind a toddler learning to walk. Remember - if you're not coming up against any opposition from the ENEMY, then you're probably not going in the RIGHT DIRECTION.
|
