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James D Murphy, a director at Russ Doughton Films/Mustard Seed International, had agreed to meet with me to discuss the flaws in the latest draft of a screenplay I had written. It was the second time we'd met. The first time I had been introduced by Don Anderson, the retired founder of Mark IV Productions, after Mr. Anderson had met me and read a few of my plays. I was interested in gleaning what I could from their combined wisdom and experience on what to do with a finished script, but first and most important, I wanted to know how to finish the script. I wanted to know what was wrong and what was right with my most current draft, which was the third if I remember correctly. I knew it had problems, but I had reached a point where I needed someone else's input because I was heading down the same path over and over and over. I needed a breath of fresh air.

Mr. Murphy kept insisting that I call him Jimmy, but I was so grateful that someone with his motion picture experience would even consent to see me, that I'm afraid I couldn't get away from calling him Mr. Murphy. (Sorry Jimmy. Better late than never.) He retraced my script section by section, and at times line by line. He had a page full of notes, and although a few of them were positive, the vast majority of them were negative. I know you think I'm about to say that I was depressed, inconsolable, and feeling utterly worthless, but the truth was I was in Heaven. I was utterly immersed in the experience. I couldn't believe that I was talking shop with someone so qualified to do so, and I was not about to let that experience pass without draining every ounce of criticism I hoped to pull out of him before he became tired of the task.

But more than just tearing apart my work, Jimmy tore apart his life for me that day, or at least selected segments of it. He told me stories that I have shared with others several times over to the point where some people are most likely planning their days around me just to make sure they won't have to hear the stories again. He inspired and encouraged while tempering that encouragement with real life dilemmas. He had the sobering air of a soldier who recognized that although victory was assured, that didn't mean the battles didn't exist.

And then he said something so utterly simple, that it seems nearly absurd that it could so deeply affect me. He said that no matter what happens, I should always maintain my focus on one simple truth: I am the pen, God is the hand. I am the instrument, and although the instrument does have its value and its place, without the hand it is nothing.

Why did that affect me so profoundly? It was most certainly the single most important thing I took away from that meeting. I realize that some of you are reading this now and thinking, "Duh! That's blatantly obvious, don't you think?" To which I would have to agree that it should have been blatantly obvious. I think the reason it struck me so hard, was that it was blatantly obvious to my mind, but not to my heart. I had never truly made it real, but rather I left it residing silently somewhere near the back along with the list of birthdays which should be important, but which I forget every year. It was not in a place of prominence that it deserved, that God deserved. We truly can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, but I, like many, tend to consciously see I CAN DO ALL THINGS, while only subconsciously acknowleging "...through Christ who... what was the rest of it again?" I know God made me. I know He designed me for a purpose. I had made the screenplay my purpose for being and had failed to prominently display in my life that He was my true purpose.

Why did I create this web site? Because I am the pen. Why do I write the plays that I do? Because I am the pen. Why am I here on this planet at all? Because I am the pen. God's desires for me are just that, GOD'S desires and not my own. I don't have to fully (or even partially for that matter) understand them. I only have to make myself available to the hand. I write, because that's what He put in me to do. I am here at this point in time because that's where He put me. This web site exists because He said we should lift Him up to a place where people could see Him. He would do the rest. I'm here because of, and for, Him.

If you're wondering what I believe, because you're not sure if you can trust my opinions expressed in my plays, that is wise. I can confidently say two things beyond any shadow of a doubt. You will never be able to shake me from these two truths. One: Yahweh God the Father was revealed through His Son Jesus Christ who did come to Earth as a human being, died, and was resurrected by the power of the Holy Spirit. It is the Holy Spirit that guides us into that truth and who communicates with us the will of God through his written word the bible, and through his spoken word daily to those who will listen. Two: I am not perfect. I mess up. I say things that are wrong. I do things that are wrong. I believe things that are wrong. Accepting what I say as truth simply because I said it is unwise. Don't do it. So then you ask, "How can I accept your first point if I accept your second?" The answer is, you can't, that is to say you can't accept it from me. I am not the Holy Spirit. I can show you what I believe to be true, but only He can confirm it as truth.

Will I make a dedicated effort to guide you into truth as much as possible? Yes. But the simple fact is that I will be wrong sometimes. I have never sat under a preacher or teacher for any length of time without discovering errors in their teachings. By a quirky act of fate, I have coincidentally been present every single time I have preached or taught as well. Weird, isn't it. One of the facts of life that I am very aware of is that every one of us who truly has accepted the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ will still get to Heaven, see truth face to face, fully understand the misunderstandings of truth that we held while we were on the Earth, slap ourselves in the forehead and shout, "It was so obvious. Why couldn't I have seen it sooner?" But then we'll all laugh at ourselves, embrace, and enjoy each other for the rest of eternity.

"Ok." You're saying now. "That's cool. I understand where you're coming from and I appreciate that you're recognizing that everything that you write may not be perfect, but I'm still not sure if I can't trust the spiritual content of your plays." To that I humbly say that you must read them and decide for yourself if they have any value to you. But to assist you in understanding more clearly where my works come from, I have included the following survey about myself. You may also examine the rest of the essays which will appear periodically covering whatever I wish to discuss at that moment.

"Aha! You said the topics YOU wish to discuss and not the topics GOD wishes to discuss. Is there something to that?" Hopefully not, but probably yes. Please refer to truth number two. :)
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Lots of randomly generated stuff about me

 Define salvation
Salvation is the free gift of God to a fallen creation who cannot in any way earn it by its own merit, collectively or individually. Jesus Christ was crucified, took our sin to Hell, and was resurrected by His own power, the power of the Holy Spirit. To add anything to this free gift that you must accomplish on your own (baptism in water, worshipping on a certain day, only eating eating Twinkies and wearing blue jeans, whatever) is an affront to His sacrifice. Avoid such teachings.

So you believe that the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit are separate entities?
Yes.

Do you believe they're also one person?
Yes.

How is that possible?
Yeah, right. Why don't you ask me something simple like how could God have existed forever?

How could God have...
Next question.

You sound like you might have a warped sense of humor?
Definitely.

Define it?
Yeah, right. Why don't you ask me something simple like... oh wait, I've already gone down that road. I pretty much get a laugh out of anything. Abbot and Costello, Monty Python, Bill Cosby; these are some of my favorites, but I also laugh at... well, my range runs through just about everything. If I don't laugh at it, it's simply not funny.

Who are you thinking of right now as you fill out this survey?
Slyle. You know who you are. She's a survey nut. (Or at least she used to be.)

What's your favorite book?
I appreciate Tom Clancy, C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien and several other authors, but two books that stand out are Douglas Adams' "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" (I've never laughed harder at a book, except maybe at "Mostly Harmless" or "The Long Dark Tea Time Of The Soul.") and Rick Joyner's "The Vision" which is actually a collection of two of his books "The Final Quest" and "The Call". "The Torch And The Sword" is technically the third book in this series, but breaks from the storyline of the first two.

Define yourself with a single word.
Writer. When the woman at the well ran into town and told everybody to come and meet somebody who told her everything she ever did, in her mind she wasn't exaggerating even though Jesus only told her about the relationships she'd had with several men. That's how she identified herself. If Jesus had been talking with me and he would have spoken of everything I'd written, I would have run into town and said the same thing. Come see the man who told me everything I'd ever done.

Do you drink?
Doesn't everybody? I have to in order to live.

You don't have to drink alcohol in order to live.
You didn't say alcohol.

You knew what I meant.
Yeah, I did, but you still didn't say alcohol.

Do you smoke?
No, but I have been known to smolder.

What's your favorite T.V. show?
I currently collect several DVD series: M*A*S*H, Everybody Loves Raymond, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends (Yes, I have a six year old, but I'd buy this even if I didn't), The Tick (the cartoon) and the Muppet Show.

Are the gifts of the spirit alive and well today?
Is the miraculous, unchanging God still alive and well today? Yes. Are the gifts of the spirit available for anybody today? Yes. Are the gifts of the spirit alive and well today? No, at least not in most of America. But that's our fault and not God's. Give a new Christian a bible and lock him in a room for a week, and he'll come out knowing that God is a miraculous, loving God who still moves today. Take that same man and put him in an American seminary or bible college for a week and he'll come out wondering how he could have naively believed what God said. (Just in case I was being too subtle, I want to make it clear that that's a very bad thing.)

What's your favorite movie?
I'll list several. You can rank them in any order you want: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Lord Of The Rings (All of them), Spiderman (All of them), and the Chronicles Of Narnia (All of them, even though there's only one as I write this).

What's your favorite specifically Christian movie?
I don't classify Narnia or Rings as specifically Christian movies, so they don't go here. I will not deny the Christian symbolism in both though. I appreciated movies like "The Omega Code" and "Left Behind", but there are only two blatantly Christian movies that I personally consider worthy enough to own: (Although as a disclaimer, I haven't seen all of them. I'm told the Steve Taylor film starring Michael W. Smith is very good.) The Champion, and The Passion Of The Christ.

So what do you think of Mel Gibson's drunken rantings?
He proved that he's just as perfect as I am. He messed up. We all mess up. I still love him as a brother in Christ and beyond that, the reason I'm personally forgiving and forgetting his transgression, is because he is genuinely repentant. He is not defending his actions in any way. I can get deeper into this later if I want. But generally speaking, I'm the kind of person who can take a continual beating from a bully and if the bully were to fall in tears at my feet begging for my forgiveness, at that moment, no crime was ever committed and he has just gained a lifelong friend. I've already rambled on too much over this question. Next!

What are your favorite songs?
Too many. There are three that may not be my current favorite, but have stood the test of time with me. Carman's "The Champion", Petra's "This Means War", and Steve Taylor's "Meltdown".

Who are your favorite music groups/artists?
In no particular order: Newsboys, DC Talk, Petra, Carman, Steve Taylor, Steven Curtis Chapman, Jars Of Clay, Third Day, Whiteheart, Russ Taff, David Crowder Band, Delerious, about a hundred others. I currently have a full, three hundred CD player. The reason I have a three hundred CD player is because they were out of the four hundred CD player. I love music of all genres and styles. Lyrics are another matter. Don't confuse "Christian" or "Secular" with a musical style.

What are your son's favorite things?
I'm so glad you asked, because he is right here beside me asking if he can add some of his favorite things: Pokemon, Super Mario Brothers, Scooby Doo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, his Nintendo DS, walking around the house in only underwear, Garfield, Chip And Dale Rescue Rangers, Veggietales, The Prince Of Egypt, The Lion King, anything with Mickey, Donald and Goofy, Kim Possible, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, swords.

What are your favorite video games?
The Kingdom Hearts series, the Jak and Daxter series, the Ratchet and Clank series.

Are you a cat person or a dog person?
I'm a human person.

You know what I mean.
I currently have two cats, but I've owned three dogs and grew up with dogs and cats. Generally, I'd call myself a cat person, but I love dogs too.

Do you like Coke or Pepsi?
Yes.

You didn't answer the question.
Yes, I did.

What's currently the thing that most distracts you from spending time with God?
Video games. I tend to play the kinds of games which take a minimum of sixty hours to complete. I'm working on developing a more intimate relationship with God and video gaming is the biggest thing to take a hit. Ten years ago I would have said movies.

What's something you really hate?
When someone wants me to be very negative, like when they ask me to name something I really hate.

You know, not everything you've listed is one hundred percent super spiritual.
That's not a question.

I'm just pointing it out.
Well, you're right, but it all has to do with the kind of person I am. I tried to avoid questions like "what's your favorite color?" that don't really tell the reader anything. I wanted every question to reveal something about my personality, not simple height and weight type questions you'd find on a generic dating site.

Wait a second. Are you implying that you asked yourself the questions?
Are you serious?

So you talk to yourself, huh?
People who talk to themselves come up with more creative solutions to problems.

Can you think of anything else to ask?
Not really. And I'll add essays later on particular subjects that people might be interested in later.

So it sounds to me like maybe we should just end this now.
Good plan

I am the pen.
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